Steel Panther Are Back From Black! But the question remains, is the world ready to herald the return of heavy metal’s kings of the rock scene, with tracks like “Stripper Girl… It would appear to be so. After all, what this band does, give or take 20 years, is timeless.

Now, these once and future kings of heavy metal have emerged out of the mists of history and a cloud of hairspray to reclaim their rightful throne. Look out, because Steel Panther is again marking its territory.

MICHAEL STARR: I started singing in kindergarten doing school plays. I also sang to my baby sitter so she would hug me and I could be next to her boobs. As a freshman I moved to L.A. with my mom cause she met this guy who sold drugs and produced a TV show in Hollywood. I started my first band called “Free Beer” I had to change the name cause people always wanted to drink our beer that we had and that sucked. So I changed the name to “Black Panther,” cause chicks dig cats and black cars. We played keg parties and school talent shows. We came in 10th place in the talent show and that’s when the chicks started coming. Anyway, the keg parties were way cooler cause we got free beer all the time and we could get high on stage, plus we could steal food from the house we played and sleep there too. (With chicks of course)

SATCHEL: I was raised in the entertainment business. My mom was a waitress at one of the first Chuck E. Cheese’s to be built in Fresno, Ca., and my Dad auditioned for the Gong Show twice. Also, my Grandma is from Switzerland, and apparently there is quite a long line of yodellers on her side of the family. I think yodelling is for dicks, but with all the talent in my family, it’s really not surprising that I’m a shredding guitarist.

LEXXI FOXXX: I’m Lexxi Foxxx. The extra “X” is for extra SEX! I like my name because Lexxi rhymes with sexy. And Foxxx rhymes with box, which is another name for a Vagina. Vaginas are cool because me and the guys stick our penises in them all the time. Michael says that if you put your penis in a dirty vagina, you can catch an SUV like herpes or The Clap. That one makes it burn when you pee. That can also happen if you masturbate with soap and it gets in your penis hole.

STIX ZADINIA: Some drummers hit. Some drummers tap. When it comes to drums and hash pipes, nobody hits that shit harder than me. The only tapping I’m doing is when I’m tapping some dirty bitch’s ass in the dressing room. I was raised in Jersey by my grandmother. She lived through the great depression. It must’ve really left an impression on her, cause growing up she never let me leave the dinner table without finishing every scrap of food on my plate. It was always high carb stuff, too. This led to me being morbidly obese by the third grade. I once missed the opportunity to audition for Bon Jovi by being over the weight limit by 230 plus lbs.

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